We've Lost the Wedding Planning Plot: 10 Questions to Define Your Wedding Day Experience
On That Note: A series on the conversations worth having before the planning begins.
Bride and Groom Hold Hands Underneath the Oak Tree at Rancho Los Alamitos, in Long Beach, CA.
We live in a social media bubble, and if you're planning a wedding or elopement in California or anywhere else, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Next year's wedding trends are being defined right now, and not by any single source. It's an amalgamation of fashion trends, "iconic" moments in pop culture, generational shifts in taste (the quirky, clap-stomp millennial wedding versus the cool, refined Gen Z "it girl" aesthetic), and the magazine directories, the "Top 50 Wedding Photographers in the US" lists that quietly shape what gets considered "aspirational" and why.
Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest then become the new search engine, replacing Google as the go-to choice for couples mid-planning. The color palette forming in someone else's feed today becomes next year's "must-have wedding color combo." Burgundy and chartreuse, anyone? (I unfortunately love that color palette, so don't come after me, lol.)
It's easy to latch onto trends because they look beautiful at the moment. And it's equally hard to find what actually resonates with you, what feels true to your relationship, and your life. The overwhelm and frustration aren't just from the sheer volume of choices, but rather from this visceral feeling that you're planning a performance: for your guests, for Instagram, for an aesthetic that really only fits someone else.
And on that note, we've lost the plot.
A wedding day is not a photo-op. It's the lived experience of marrying your best friend. THAT'S. IT. No amount of perfectly curated linen colors will tell you how that's supposed to feel.
Start With the Feeling, Not the Aesthetic
Pinterest, Instagram, and other photography-based platforms can be genuinely useful as they help us reach for a feeling we can't quite articulate or put into words yet. But at some point, Pinterest stops being a tool and starts becoming a visual crutch. Something you can't make a decision without, instead of something you learn from.
Before you've pinned yourself into a corner, we have something more important to figure out: how do you actually want your wedding day to feel? What's the pace, the tone, and the atmosphere you WANT to create? In your words. Without Instagram and Pinterest telling you what the answer should be.
The answer to these questions will be the backbone that supports the aesthetic structure of your wedding, not the other way around. When you start here, every decision becomes more intentional. Your wedding day stops being a collection of trends and starts becoming a genuine reflection of your relationship and the people you love most.
Wedding Planning Questions to Ask Before You Open Pinterest
Answer every question alone FIRST. I know that sounds counterintuitive to "planning your wedding together", but hear me out.
When you answer these questions separately, without each other's influence, no one voice gets buried beneath the weight of "what ifs." You're not performing for your partner any more than you're performing for social media. Your answers are true to you, and that's the foundation.
Then, compare your answers together. See what aligns naturally and what doesn't. Where things don't line up, ask whether there's room for compromise, and approach it as teammates, not opponents. Seeking to understand where the other person is coming from is the perspective that actually matters.
If every photo disappeared and every design detail was forgotten, what would make your wedding day feel like a success?
How do you want to feel when you wake up on your wedding morning?
How do you want to feel as you walk away from your wedding at the end of the night?
What are three words you hope your guests would use to describe the experience?
When you picture your ideal wedding day, does it feel slow and intentional, lively and energetic, or somewhere in between?
What moments are you most excited to experience together?
Which traditions feel meaningful to you, and which ones are you only considering because they're expected?
What parts of your relationship or personality do you hope your wedding day reflects?
What would make your wedding day feel stressful, rushed, or disconnected from what matters most?
If you could only prioritize three things on your wedding day, what would they be?
Bonus Question: If you weren't allowed to post your wedding photos on social media, would you still make the same choices that you're making right now?
Aesthetics and mood boards can reveal a lot about what you like visually. However, they can only tell you so much about how you actually want to exist on your wedding day and how present you want to be. It can't show you how slow or fast you want it to move, and what you'll remember when the photos are long forgotten.
On that note, the couples who start here with intention rather than inspiration boards are the ones who actually remember their wedding. The intentional, docu-editorial wedding photography they like doesn't just look beautiful. It’s a reflection of what actually happened.
Frequently Asked Questions About Wedding Planning and Defining Your Vision
How do I figure out what I actually want for my wedding?
Start by stepping away from Instagram, Tiktok, and Pinterest . Seriously, just for a minute (Okay, maybe a week or so). The reason it's so hard to figure out what you want is that you've been marinating in what everyone else wants. Before you open Pinterest or scroll another Instagram reel, answer the questions in this blog on your own, without your partner, without your mom, without the comment section. Your gut knows. You just need some quiet to hear it.
How do I plan a wedding that feels like us?
You need to stop asking yourself what look good aeshetically, and start asking yourself it you’d still like it if you didn’t see it on social media. What does your relationship actually feel like day-to-day? Is it slow Sunday mornings or last-minute road trips? Is it loud and full of people or quiet and just the two of you? Your wedding day doesn't have to be a performance of a relationship that’s not even yours. It can just be an extension of one that IS. The aesthetic follows from that, not the other way around.
Is it okay to ignore wedding trends?
Yes. It’ll literally be the best decision you make in this entire process. Trends are designed to feel urgent and universal. They're neither. What won't date is a wedding that actually feels like you. If you can tie every decision back to one factor, or memory that feels like with you, your partner or a mix of both – you’re in the right place. That's the one you'll look back on and still love the photos from.
We're already deep into planning, and I feel like we've lost the plot. What do we do?
Go back to the feeling. Seriously, just stop for a second and answer these questions honestly, even now, even mid-planning. It's not too late to reroot yourselves around what actually matters. You don't have to scrap everything! You just need a reminder of why you're doing any of this in the first place.
Ready to Document Your Wedding Day the Way It Actually Feels?
If you're planning a wedding or elopement in Los Angeles, Southern California, or beyond and want photography that captures the real experience and not just the aesthetic, I'd love to hear about what you're planning.
