Welcome to “On That NOte…”
Notes on weddings, marriage, photography, and the stories we tell ourselves about love.
Part planning guide, part travel journal, part love letter.
Here you'll find thoughtful resources, destination discoveries, honest opinions, real wedding stories, and the occasional reminder that the best wedding days rarely go according to plan.
Whether you're searching for the perfect place to say your vows, looking for a different perspective on wedding traditions, or simply enjoy a good story, you're in the right place.
Fair warning: This is where I'm a little less polished. The website version of me has it together. The blog version of me has thoughts, opinions, and a lot of feelings about burgundy and chartreuse. You'll fit right in.
Broke Baddie Bachelorette: 30+ Pre-Wedding Ideas That Won't Bankrupt Your Bridesmaids
On That Note: A series on the conversations worth having before the planning begins.
There's an overwhelming number of brides-to-be and couples, right now, who are simply not down to participate in wedding culture. Bachelorette weekends, bridal showers, engagement parties, literally all of it. And it's not because they don't love their people or don't want to celebrate . But these events have LOUDLY turned into something that feels less like an intimate celebration and more like a production that you HAVE to make content out of.
I'm gonna hold your bouquet when I say this…that's normal, and you're allowed to feel that way.
Pre-wedding events, if you have them at all, were never supposed to be about making content. They were supposed to be about making memories. Between WedTok, magazine directories and the occasional “I’m a 2027 bride, and here are allllllll the things I’m doing for my weddinggggguhhhhh” reels that pop ... we lost that plot too.
When Did a Night Out Become a WhOLE Production?
When did a simple night out with your closest friends turn into a four-night, three-day stay in Nashville or Cabo, complete with a strict itinerary and a mandatory dress code? All of which your bridesmaids are expected to pay for themselves, often while taking PTO just to attend at all.
Nobody talks about the math happening in the group chat, either. Flights, an Airbnb, matching outfits, a strict itinerary of activities, all divided among a bridal party who said yes because they love you, NOT because they had a spare thousand dollars and three vacation days sitting around waiting to be used. The pressure to turn these events into content has turned something that used to be a hangout into an event with a budget and a shotlist. Like, if you don’t bring the Canon G7X, you might as well gtfo.
And the pressure doesn't stop at the bachelorette. I always found it soooo weird that we've normalized preemptively warning a fiancé that they have show up to the bridal shower with a big bouquet or a gift in hand, so everyone watching can assume he thought of it himself, as a "surprise." (That defeats the whole purpose of him WANTING to show up for you, btw).
Some Couples Don't Want the Spotlight At All
Addtionally, some couples don't want to be the center of attention, at all. Let alone across three or four separate events before the wedding even happens.
Not everyone processes love, commitment, or celebration by being watched. Some people would rather feel it in a quiet dinner with the six people who matter most than in a room of fifty people clapping while they open gifts (God forbid you open a box of lingerie in front of Granny). Wanting less that doesn't make you ungrateful. Sometimes less is genuinely more.
On that note…What are we doing this for? That's the real question underneath all of this. Who are we doing this for, if not for ourselves?
With the pressure to document every pre-wedding milestone, a lot of couples lost the thread back to what these moments were even supposed to be for. Just time, with the people who matter, before married-life starts taking shape.
You get to reclaim all of that. (Just because these events don’t live on social media, doesn't mean they can’t happen at all. They CAN be just yours to keep. How special is that? In a world where we overshare so many aspects of our live, how nice is it to have something you can actually call yours?)
If you don't want a single pre-wedding event, good on you, and I fully support that. Skipping it entirely is completely valid. But if you want something low-pressure, something that feels more like an actual hangout than a production, here's a list of relatively affordable, intimate ideas that were never designed with social media in mind.
Low-Pressure, Non-Performative Ideas for Celebrating Before the Wedding
Swap Nights — Part 1
Sip n' shop — everyone brings a bag of clothes they don't wear anymore, someone makes coffee or does a run, put on music, and "shop" each other's closets.
Soup swap — everyone brings a pot of homemade soup to share and trade bowls (bring containers for leftovers!), maybe with someone baking bread to go alongside.
Baked goods or recipe swap — same format.
Plant swap — everyone brings a cutting or small potted plant to trade.
Cocktail or mocktail swap — everyone makes and brings one drink, recipe card included.
Book swap — everyone brings 2-3 books they're done with and picks new ones to take home. (This can be the start of a new monthly book club!)
Candle or self-care swap — everyone brings a favorite item they already own and loves.
Board game or puzzle swap — rotate through a few games or puzzles over the course of the night.
Swap Nights — Part 2
Seed swap, with a bonus — seed packets in spring, especially if you want to grow your own bouquet. Each bridesmaid brings a flower, so the bride ends up with every one of them represented in what she carries down the aisle.
Heirloom recipe box — each bridesmaid makes her favorite dish and brings the handwritten recipe card, starting the bride's very first cookbook.
Letter time capsule — everyone writes a letter to the couple, to be opened on a future anniversary instead of the wedding itself.
Quilt or blanket square swap — everyone brings a fabric square with something meaningful stitched, drawn, or written on it, pieced together into a keepsake blanket.
Photo swap — everyone brings a printed photo of themselves with the bride, assembled into a small album or shadow box as a visual timeline of the friendship.
Ornament or trinket swap — for winter/holiday weddings, each person brings a small object tied to an inside joke or memory, so her first married holiday season is decorated in her friendships.
Daytime & Outdoor
Farmers market morning — coffee, a slow walk through stalls, nothing planned beyond that.
Morning hike or nature walk — nothing strenuous, just a trail and a reason to talk.
Farm stand or U-pick morning — apple or berry picking, whatever's in season, then bring the haul home to cook.
Botanical garden or arboretum wander — slow, pretty, relatively low cost.
Local museum or gallery morning — especially a small or free one, coffee after.
Farmers market + cooking session — buy ingredients together, then cook lunch as a group.
Morning yoga or a slow stretch class — gentle movement, coffee after.
Bike ride + coffee — a flat, easy local route.
Porch or backyard coffee morning — coffee, pastries, folding chairs, no plan.
Day trip somewhere none of you have been — no overnight stay required, unstructured enough to shift plans mid-day.
Hike or outdoor picnic — let the setting do the work instead of a decorated backdrop.
At-Home & Evening Hangouts
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Spa day or at-home spa night — face masks, sweatpants, a playlist.
Game or trivia night — Kahoot at someone's house.
DIY pizza night — everyone brings a topping, build your own.
Letter-writing night — write to each other, or to the bride, to be opened later.
Themed movie marathon — rom-coms, 2000s throwbacks, matching pajamas optional!
Craft night — embroidery, painting, friendship bracelets, hands busy while you talk.
Zine or scrapbook night — old photos, magazines, ticket stubs, made into a keepsake page together.
Karaoke at home — a laptop, a playlist, zero cost.
Bonfire night — backyard or a local fire pit, s'mores, blankets.
Coffee and a walk — literally just that.
None of these require a dress code, a shared Google Doc, or anyone taking out a small loan to attend. They just require the people who actually matter to you, in a room together, without an audience.
Ready to Document Your Wedding Day the Way It Actually Feels?
If you're planning a wedding or elopement in Los Angeles, Southern California, or beyond and want photography that captures the real experience and not just the aesthetic, I'd love to hear about what you're planning.
The Switch Up: Why your Wedding Doesn't Just Change You, but Changes Everyone Around You.
On That Note: A series on the conversations worth having before the planning begins.
I’ve been a wedding and elopement photographer for several years now, and have seen it all, especially the unplanned moments that weren't on the day-of timeline. One of which, being couples emailing me years after their wedding “Hey I know it’s been a while but I have a crazy ask… Can you edit this person out?”
I want to be very clear about something before I go further: I'm not writing this to gossip about my couples' families, and I'm not writing it to scare you. I'm only saying this because nobody tells you, while you're deep in wedding planning, that your wedding day isn't just the start of a marriage. It's also (quietly) the end of some relationships too. And nobody prepares you for that part, except for me.
Your wedding day is like a door hinge, it swings both ways from the end of relationships to the beginning of new ones. New name, new home, new chapter, literally whatever. What they don't talk about is that beginnings require endings, and a wedding is one of the few days in your life where both happen in front of everyone you know.
Friendships that quietly end because they were built around single life. Family dynamics that shift once you're officially "someone's spouse" and not just "someone's kid." Coworkers who treated you differently once there was a ring, and differently again once there was a marriage.
None of this means anything went wrong. It usually means that real life happened.
On that note: Real things have weight, and weight shows up somewhere...always.
One of the Most Important Questions I’ll Ask About Your Wedding Day
Before I ever set foot on a venue, I ask my couples this one question: Are there any family and/or friends dynamics that I should be aware of prior to your wedding? Not for gossipping with the rest of the vendor team, and not because I expect drama. I ask because after several years of photographing people, I've learned that the family member who "doesn't love being photographed" is sometimes just that, and sometimes it's a much bigger story that I need to be gentle with in real time. I've learned that "we're not really close with his side" can mean a hundred different things, and I'd rather know the shape of it than guess while I'm standing there with a camera in my hand. I want to know before I plan the shot list, not after I've asked an already tender question out loud in front of eighty guests.
Most of the time, nothing crazy happens. The dynamics I'm told about never even come up. But every so often, they do, and that's exactly why I ask. My job as a wedding photographer isn't just preserving what’s expected on the timeline. It's to move through a room full of complicated history with enough care that nobody in it feels exposed. That’s the art of observation (and a prepared questionnaire) hard at work.
The Message A Year Later Which brings me back to that couple.
Once the dust of the wedding has settled and life has gone back to its normal routine, that’s often when the real picture of who stayed and who didn't becomes clear. Sometimes it's a family member whose behavior that day, or in the months after, changed how a couple feels about having them remembered in their most important photos. Sometimes it's simpler than that. A relationship just ended, the way relationships sometimes do, and seeing that person's face in your wedding album stopped feeling like a memory and started feeling like a splinter.
I always say yes when I can. Not because I think we should erase people from our histories, but because I understand from a photographer’s perspective, that a wedding album isn't a legal document, the way a marraige liscense is. It's the story you want to be able to open in twenty years and still feel good about, not the unedited transcript of every single person who happened to be in the room.
Nobody Tells You About the POST-WEDDING Grief, Either
There's a version of this that has nothing to do with any one relationship and everything to do with the quiet letdown that shows up a few weeks after the wedding. You spent a year, maybe more, with this one day as the center of gravity for your entire life. Every conversation orbited it. Every decision moved you closer to it. And then it happens, it's beautiful, and then it's next Tuesday, and nothing is happening, and you don't quite know what to do with all that space where the planning used to live.
That's grief. Not necessarily the sad kind, but the closing-a-chapter kind. The kind that's allowed to exist right next to how happy you are, because two things can be true at once. Nobody warns you about it because all the wedding content in the world is aimed at the version of you that hasn't gotten married yet. Seriously, even Target has a section permanently dedicated to the “In my Bridal Era” Wedding Attire (often located right next to the purses and jewelry). There's almost nothing written for the version of you sitting in your living room three weeks later, married, a little disoriented, wondering why you feel kind of weird even when everything went right.
If that's you, I want you to know it's not a sign anything is wrong. It's literally just prood that real life happened. Endings and beginnings really do live in the same moment, and your wedding day holds both whether anyone tells you that going in or not.
Questions Couples Have Asked me That are Off-THe-Record
Is it normal to feel sad or off after my wedding, even if it was perfect? Yes, completely. It's one of the least talked-about parts of getting married. You spend so long building toward one day that when it's over, the sudden absence of that momentum can feel like loss, even alongside real happiness. It doesn't mean the day wasn't everything you wanted. It means something big just ended, and something else just began.
Why do some friendships change or end after a wedding? Because seasons change, and not everyone changes at the same pace you do. A friendship built around a specific chapter of your life, being single, being unattached, being available in a certain way, sometimes doesn't know how to translate into the next chapter. That's not always a failure of the friendship. Sometimes it's just its natural shape.
Is it okay to ask my photographer to edit someone out of my wedding photos later? Yes. I say yes when I'm able to. Your wedding album should be something you feel good opening years from now, not an unedited historical record. If a relationship has changed since your wedding day, wanting your photos to reflect the life you're actually living isn't a crazy concept.
Should I tell my wedding photographer about family or friendship tension beforehand? I'd genuinely encourage it. Not because it needs to be a big conversation, and not because I expect anything to go wrong, but because a photographer who knows the room can move through it with care instead of guessing. A quick heads up about who might need a little extra grace goes a long way toward protecting the people you love on a day that's already emotionally loaded.
READY TO DOCUMENT YOUR WEDDING DAY THE WAY IT ACTUALLY FEELS?
If you're planning a wedding or elopement in Los Angeles, Southern California, or beyond and want photography that captures the real experience and not just the aesthetic, I'd love to hear about what you're planning.
Let’s Get Trashed!: The Best Wedding Gifts That Couples Won’t Throw Away
On That Note: A series on the conversations worth having before the planning begins.
Whether you're attending a wedding next month or realizing the wedding is somehow just two weeks away and you still haven't bought a gift for the couple, it's easy to default to a last-minute Amazon order. The monogrammed tumbler, a tote bag with the couple’s last name on it, you get the idea…
The problem isn't that these gifts are inherently “bad”. It's that most of them aren't actually chosen with the couple in mind. They're chosen because they're expected or because they're easy to get the next day (thanks, Amazon Prime). Because when you search for "best wedding gifts”, that's often the first thing that pops up.
But the couple you're celebrating deserves something a lot more thoughtful than that.
In my last blog, We've Lost the Wedding Planning Plot: 10 Questions to Define Your Wedding Day Experience, I briefly talked about the shift away from making choices simply because they're trendy or expected. The weddings that are most memorable are the ones that were designed with a personalized and intimate experience in mind.
The art of gift giving is no different.
As a wedding photographer, I've had a front-row seat to a lot of wedding days. I've seen the gift tables overflowing with beautifully wrapped boxes, watched couples open presents after the wedding, and listened to conversations about what they actually ended up using months later. I've also attended weddings as a guest and spent my fair share of time wondering what gift would feel thoughtful, useful, and personal.
The gifts people talk about years later are rarely the ones that were the trendiest at the time.
On that note, a great gift doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be custom engraved. It doesn't even have to be wedding-related. It just has to feel intentional and personal to the couple receiving it.
So before you add another matching robe to your cart, let's ask ourselves a couple questions to help narrow down the perfect gift.
Questions to Ask Yourself, Other Than “Best Wedding Gifts for Couple”
If you're determined to go off-registry, don't start by searching "best wedding gifts." Instead of asking what you’re buying, ask who you’re buying for. The answers to a few simple questions will usually tell you exactly what to buy.
That said, the first few weeks after a wedding are often a blur of unpacking suitcases form the honeymoon, catching up on laundry, changing last names, and figuring out what "normal life" looks like again after months of planning. So before choosing a gift, consider what might actually support the couple in the season they're about to enter, not just what happens to be trending on a wedding gift guide for this year.
Are They Drowning in Wedding Logistics?
The wedding is over, but the to-do list is just getting started…
Consider:
House Cleaning Service
Meal Delivery Service (Uber Eats, DoorDash, etc.)
Gift Card Binder (See an examle, here)
“Thank You” cards in bulk - Thanking Wedding guests for Attending
Do They Value Convenience More Than “Stuff”?
After months of planning, convenience can feel like luxury.
Consider:
Car Wash Package
The Joint Chiropractic Care Package (They have a Military Discount too)
Coffee Shop Gift Card Bundle
Did They Recently Buy Their First Home?
Because we all know how expensive the housing market is right now, lol.
Consider:
Home Depot Gift Card
Tool Kit
Professional Deep Cleaning Service - OR - Make your own Home Cleaning Supply Starter Kit
Are They Into Meal Prep, Hosting, or Cooking Together?
Some couples connect over food. Others just want dinner to magically appear after a long day (me).
Consider:
A cookbook compiled from your favorite recipes
A cookbook inspired by a country they love (or dream of visiting), paired with a cool cookbook stand.
Local Food Tour
Date Night Cooking Experience
Meal Delivery Service
Are They Always Planning Their Next Trip?
For some couples, the wedding is over and the next adventure is already being planned.
Consider:
Airbnb Gift Card
Airline Gift Card
TSA PreCheck or Global Entry Reimbursement
Weekend Getaway Fund
Are They Constantly Talking About Their Dog (or Cat)?
If their pet has its own Instagram account, this section is for them.
Consider:
Pet Sitting Credit
Doggy Daycare Package
Are They Sentimental People?
Some gifts get used. Some gifts get remembered.
Consider:
Are You Completely Stuck?
And that's okay.
Consider:
Money
Honeymoon Fund Contribution
House Fund Contribution
Future Family Fund
Future Travel Fund
Contrary to popular opinion, money isn't an impersonal gift. Sometimes it's the most practical, generous, and appreciated gift a couple receives.
At the end of the day, the best wedding gifts aren't necessarily the most expensive, personalized, or creative. They're the ones that make the couple feel seen.
Just like a meaningful wedding isn't built by following every trend, a meaningful gift isn't found by buying whatever everyone else is buying, but by paying attention. From knowing what season of life they're entering, what they value, and what would genuinely make them smile, breathe easier, or create a memory together.
So whether you give them a house cleaning service, a National Parks Pass, a wedding album credit, or simply a card with cash tucked inside, the goal is the same: choose something with intention.
Because the gifts people remember most aren't always the ones they unwrap.
They're the ones that make them think, "Wow, they really know us."
READY TO DOCUMENT YOUR WEDDING DAY THE WAY IT ACTUALLY FEELS?
If you're planning a wedding or elopement in Los Angeles, Southern California, or beyond and want photography that captures the real experience and not just the aesthetic, I'd love to hear about what you're planning.
We've Lost the Wedding Planning Plot: 10 Questions to Define Your Wedding Day Experience
We live in a social media bubble, and if you're planning a wedding, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The trends, the pressure, the feeling that you're planning a performance instead of a day that actually feels like you. This blog is a reset. Here are 10 questions to help you find your “why” again.
On That Note: A series on the conversations worth having before the planning begins.
Bride and Groom Hold Hands Underneath the Oak Tree at Rancho Los Alamitos, in Long Beach, CA.
We live in a social media bubble, and if you're planning a wedding or elopement in California or anywhere else, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Next year's wedding trends are being defined right now, and not by any single source. It's an amalgamation of fashion trends, "iconic" moments in pop culture, generational shifts in taste (the quirky, clap-stomp millennial wedding versus the cool, refined Gen Z "it girl" aesthetic), and the magazine directories, the "Top 50 Wedding Photographers in the US" lists that quietly shape what gets considered "aspirational" and why.
Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest then become the new search engine, replacing Google as the go-to choice for couples mid-planning. The color palette forming in someone else's feed today becomes next year's "must-have wedding color combo." Burgundy and chartreuse, anyone? (I unfortunately love that color palette, so don't come after me, lol.)
It's easy to latch onto trends because they look beautiful at the moment. And it's equally hard to find what actually resonates with you, what feels true to your relationship, and your life. The overwhelm and frustration aren't just from the sheer volume of choices, but rather from this visceral feeling that you're planning a performance: for your guests, for Instagram, for an aesthetic that really only fits someone else.
And on that note, we've lost the plot.
A wedding day is not a photo-op. It's the lived experience of marrying your best friend. THAT'S. IT. No amount of perfectly curated linen colors will tell you how that's supposed to feel.
Start With the Feeling, Not the Aesthetic
Pinterest, Instagram, and other photography-based platforms can be genuinely useful as they help us reach for a feeling we can't quite articulate or put into words yet. But at some point, Pinterest stops being a tool and starts becoming a visual crutch. Something you can't make a decision without, instead of something you learn from.
Before you've pinned yourself into a corner, we have something more important to figure out: how do you actually want your wedding day to feel? What's the pace, the tone, and the atmosphere you WANT to create? In your words. Without Instagram and Pinterest telling you what the answer should be.
The answer to these questions will be the backbone that supports the aesthetic structure of your wedding, not the other way around. When you start here, every decision becomes more intentional. Your wedding day stops being a collection of trends and starts becoming a genuine reflection of your relationship and the people you love most.
Wedding Planning Questions to Ask Before You Open Pinterest
Answer every question alone FIRST. I know that sounds counterintuitive to "planning your wedding together", but hear me out.
When you answer these questions separately, without each other's influence, no one voice gets buried beneath the weight of "what ifs." You're not performing for your partner any more than you're performing for social media. Your answers are true to you, and that's the foundation.
Then, compare your answers together. See what aligns naturally and what doesn't. Where things don't line up, ask whether there's room for compromise, and approach it as teammates, not opponents. Seeking to understand where the other person is coming from is the perspective that actually matters.
If every photo disappeared and every design detail was forgotten, what would make your wedding day feel like a success?
How do you want to feel when you wake up on your wedding morning?
How do you want to feel as you walk away from your wedding at the end of the night?
What are three words you hope your guests would use to describe the experience?
When you picture your ideal wedding day, does it feel slow and intentional, lively and energetic, or somewhere in between?
What moments are you most excited to experience together?
Which traditions feel meaningful to you, and which ones are you only considering because they're expected?
What parts of your relationship or personality do you hope your wedding day reflects?
What would make your wedding day feel stressful, rushed, or disconnected from what matters most?
If you could only prioritize three things on your wedding day, what would they be?
Bonus Question: If you weren't allowed to post your wedding photos on social media, would you still make the same choices that you're making right now?
Aesthetics and mood boards can reveal a lot about what you like visually. However, they can only tell you so much about how you actually want to exist on your wedding day and how present you want to be. It can't show you how slow or fast you want it to move, and what you'll remember when the photos are long forgotten.
On that note, the couples who start here with intention rather than inspiration boards are the ones who actually remember their wedding. The intentional, docu-editorial wedding photography they like doesn't just look beautiful. It’s a reflection of what actually happened.
Frequently Asked Questions About Wedding Planning and Defining Your Vision
How do I figure out what I actually want for my wedding?
Start by stepping away from Instagram, Tiktok, and Pinterest . Seriously, just for a minute (Okay, maybe a week or so). The reason it's so hard to figure out what you want is that you've been marinating in what everyone else wants. Before you open Pinterest or scroll another Instagram reel, answer the questions in this blog on your own, without your partner, without your mom, without the comment section. Your gut knows. You just need some quiet to hear it.
How do I plan a wedding that feels like us?
You need to stop asking yourself what look good aeshetically, and start asking yourself it you’d still like it if you didn’t see it on social media. What does your relationship actually feel like day-to-day? Is it slow Sunday mornings or last-minute road trips? Is it loud and full of people or quiet and just the two of you? Your wedding day doesn't have to be a performance of a relationship that’s not even yours. It can just be an extension of one that IS. The aesthetic follows from that, not the other way around.
Is it okay to ignore wedding trends?
Yes. It’ll literally be the best decision you make in this entire process. Trends are designed to feel urgent and universal. They're neither. What won't date is a wedding that actually feels like you. If you can tie every decision back to one factor, or memory that feels like with you, your partner or a mix of both – you’re in the right place. That's the one you'll look back on and still love the photos from.
We're already deep into planning, and I feel like we've lost the plot. What do we do?
Go back to the feeling. Seriously, just stop for a second and answer these questions honestly, even now, even mid-planning. It's not too late to reroot yourselves around what actually matters. You don't have to scrap everything! You just need a reminder of why you're doing any of this in the first place.
Ready to Document Your Wedding Day the Way It Actually Feels?
If you're planning a wedding or elopement in Los Angeles, Southern California, or beyond and want photography that captures the real experience and not just the aesthetic, I'd love to hear about what you're planning.